Trusting in God After Loss

Trusting in God after LossHave you ever read Jeremiah 32? I absolutely love this story in the Bible: the Babylonian army has moved in, and the land of Israel is under siege. They’re about to be overtaken by their enemies. In fact, God is saying YOU ARE going to be overtaken by your enemies. The situation is less than dismal. It’s a war zone. And yet, in the midst of this heartbreak, God tells Jeremiah, the prophet, to buy a field.

Say what?! The land is torn apart, the city is about to be taken over, covered in famine, disease, war. And yet, God tells Jeremiah to purchase land, to invest his money and his heart in that land. God promises Jeremiah what will one day come again in his land: weddings and dances, joy and singing. It’s like purchasing property in a land controlled by ISIS.

I was recently sorting through some old items that I had stored away in a box. I came across an old baby rattle. The one my son used when he was just a teeny. It’s worn now with scratches and marks. To anyone else, it is just a cheap rattle. To me, it is my field. A reminder of the Lord’s covenant to me.

It was a few years back, when my husband and I were trying to grow our family. We were so excited when the day came and we saw the positive pregnancy test! Dreams of what this child would become, of potential names, of baby clothes and congratulations cards from family around the globe. And then, after 3 months of life, our baby left us. Left us for Heaven. We were devastated. We waited a year and tried again. This time I miscarried very early on. Two babies. Two big question marks for God. Two scars.

I was petrified to try again. We saw doctors and received advice and prayed. And eventually hoped again. A third pregnancy was confirmed. Initial excitement followed by intense fear. What if we lost this baby again? I prayed for life. We prayed for life. We recruited all of our friends and family to pray for life. And then I started spotting. Not a good sign if you have not carried a baby to full term. I was undone. I literally did not know how to move even one step ahead. I cried out to God. It was all I could do.

And God told me, as He told Jeremiah, to go and buy a field. In the midst of what looked hopeless, with the enemy pressing in and the potential of death literally just around the corner, go and buy a field. I could not shake this Holy Spirit thought. I knew that I was to go to the toy section of our local store and make a purchase; I was to buy something that my baby would one day play with.

Trusting in God After Loss -thevinepress.orgAt first, I ignored the thought. I didn’t want to be foolish and fix my faith on what was my own idea. But the thought persisted. I didn’t want to say it aloud. To admit God might be asking me to take a position of faith in something that would break me if it didn’t work out. But the thought persisted.

And then I read this verse in Isaiah 49:

The children you shall have, after you have lost the other, shall say again in your ears: this place is too narrow for me. Give me a place that I might dwell.

I told my husband what I felt like God was nudging me to do. He agreed it was right. We went to the store. We found a set of rattles. We paid for them and brought them home. I set them up as a reminder of what God had spoken.

There was more spotting. I filled my walls with promises that the Holy Spirit was whispering to me. Promises of life and hope. With every one, I was still petrified. I never felt “full of faith”.  But I learned in the process that faith is not reliant on our emotions.

Faith is a choice to believe God, even when we can barely breathe. Click To Tweet

When we can’t make it through the next hour without doubting, to come back to the truth that God is good and He does not lie.

And He did not. After nine months, a very healthy (and huge) 10 lb, 12 oz boy was born to us. And this boy is determined to live. I see it everyday in his sense of wonder and strong, persistent will. God answered my prayer. No, actually, God put the hope in my heart, drew me to pray for it, and then fulfilled the seed He planted.

I don’t know what would have happened if I would have given up. Sometimes I think about that. I’d like to think the outcome would still be the same, but then I see examples in the Bible, examples of people God loved and had great promises for, back down because of fear. Because the giants were too big and they were too small.  I’m not sure how your (or my) theology fits into all of that.

I know I’m grateful to follow a God of second chances who doesn’t hold my past over my head.

I am not writing this because I consider myself a person of great faith. Or a strong Shera-type (80s throwback, anyone?) woman. I’m usually very afraid to do what God asks me to do. I have to remind myself with every step that He is good and leads me into what is good. I have to choose to follow His footsteps when I don’t even know how to get out of bed and it seems He’s leading me into the dungeon of despair (He’s not!)

And I have missed it MANY, MANY times. I’m sure there are many acres of Promised Land out there that I could have already conquered had I just stepped out. But God, in His grace, with the hand of Jesus, takes me back to those places so that I can enter in.Trusting in God After Loss

I don’t know what you’re next step is. Maybe it’s just to keep breathing. To repeat over and over that you will get through this by the grace of God. That God will work it out for good. Maybe it is to be still and know. Maybe it is to step out and buy a field. I’m not sure. Only the Holy Spirit can show you what His promise is for you. But I do know and believe with all of my being that He will not lead you astray.

After finishing this post, I turned the radio and heard the song, You Never Change. In the days of despair, when you are still in the war zone with no sign of relief, tell your soul to turn to God. Put on worship and lift your eyes to the God who keeps His promise, who is big enough to take care of your giants, and who is able to guide His sheep to safe pasture.

(If you would like to learn how to hear God’s voice with more clarity and in detail, you are so welcome to download my free e-book.)

Until the Singing Returns,

Brooke


You can check out where I link up here.

19 Comments

  • Kristi Woods July 21, 2016 at 9:33 am

    I’m so sorry for the babies you lost, Brooke. But the testimony with your third child? Strong and beautiful. Thank you for sharing, for providing hope for others in a similar situation. Visiting via #thoughtprovokingThursday.

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 21, 2016 at 1:37 pm

      Thank-you, Kristi. His comfort that we may comfort others. 🙂

      Reply
  • Shannon July 21, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    I am so incredibly sorry for your losses! We are in the same sad club that no one signs up for: miscarriage survivors. I also have lost 2 babies: the first was a chemical pregnancy and a short time later, a second trimester loss. And then a rainbow baby. God’s promises are beautiful and true. Your story and your faithfulness are beautiful as well! Thank you so much for sharing your story! The only way the taboo of miscarriage can be broken is if we who carry babies in our hearts that we’ve never held in our arms tell our stories. Here is mine: http://forloveandcoffee.com/hello-goodbye-miscarriage-changes-everything/

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 21, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      I’m so sorry for your loss as well, Shannon. I take great comfort in the fact that one day I will get to see them again! Thank-you for sharing your story as well. God bless!

      Reply
  • Crystal July 22, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    Brooke, your testimony is so rich with the all encompassing struggle and wrestling and surrender involved in the journey of faith. We find our deepest faith through our greatest losses…by the grace of God. So sorry for your losses. Sharing the victory of choosing faith through it all and passing this faith on in your message. I’d love for you to share on Fresh Market Friday linkup…intentionally choosing to believe God is good and that He has a plan even when we can’t see it…so so good!

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 23, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      Thank-you, Crystal. And yes, I will go to your link-up now. Thank-you!

      Reply
      • Crystal July 24, 2016 at 6:13 pm

        Yay you’re here! So happy to share your beautiful and comforting message:) Welcome to Fresh Market Friday Brooke!

        Reply
  • Liz July 25, 2016 at 9:06 am

    I am so sorry for you loss. But I adore the story in Jeremiah when God tells the exiles to build, plant, grow, multiply and pray for their captors. The reminder that even when life is devastating, we still live in His promises. Thank you for this encouraging post to stand up and take possession of my “promised land.” Blessings, to you!

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 25, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      Thank-you, Liz. It’s one of the most inspirational stories to me!

      Reply
  • Kelly Smith July 26, 2016 at 8:31 am

    Thank you for this strong testament to the faithfulness of God and the power of faith in our lives. I’m currently sitting in the waiting with no evidence that things will change anytime soon. BUT GOD! I will stay on the lookout for my field, that thing I can hold to as evidence of my growing faith. Visiting from the #RaRaLinkup

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 26, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      Oh yes, Kelly! I will pray that you will know what that is in the midst of the unknown.

      Reply
  • Rex July 26, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    Your story made me both cry for sadness and for joy, seeing how the Lord takes a very difficult, almost unbearable situation, and through the testing of your faith and perseverance, turns your weeping into ‘joy in the morning’.
    Having ‘been there’ with you, (although 11,000 miles away) in intercession, and with the heart of a father, my faith was also tried, yet He remains faithful, and has given you and Richard a beautiful son, and Granddad the most wonderful gift possible, a grandson,,,,and a second round bonus,,,a beautiful granddaughter. Blessings to you my daughter. Love, Dad

    Reply
  • Mari-Anna July 27, 2016 at 7:20 am

    Wonderful post, Brooke. Thank you for sharing your heart-ache with us. I hear you. And, yes, I believe that we need to step in faith and purchase the land before we can see what God is doing. It is scary but it gets easier the second time around. Being God’s fool is wonderful. Blessings upon blessings to you and yours!

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 27, 2016 at 8:49 am

      Thank-you, Mari-Anna. And yes, I agree, it does get easier the more you do it as you can look back and remind yourself of what God has done in the past. Though each time, it still is a risk! Thanks for adding to the conversation!

      Reply
  • SUSAN July 27, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Brooke, this is such an encouraging post. I love it – “Go buy a field.” I want to be a Jeremiah – we will all sing again… Those harps won’t hang in the willows one day longer than God says, “done.” Neighbors at Kristin’s today.

    Reply
  • Katie @ My Joy in Chaos July 27, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    This is such a powerful post and brings me right back to my miscarriages. Each time I saw those two lines it was a moment of joy followed by the “what ifs” and praying that this one would stick. Just as you heard God telling you to “buy a field” I heard God to just wait and praise Him because it was coming. That song “While I’m Waiting” would play on the radio almost every single time I entered the empty nursery to work on something.

    Thank you for sharing! I’m visiting from Three Word Wednesday.

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 28, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      That is beautiful, Katie. Thank-you for sharing just a little of your story.

      Reply

Leave a Comment

New course ~ Learn to hear God's voice in detail! Learn More
Hello. Add your message here.