Love, Sex, and Relationships: Proceed with Wisdom

Love, Sex, & Relationships- Proceed with Wisdom

Love, sex, and relationships.  These 3 topics must be the source of most of the world’s joy and most of it’s pain.  From a toddler’s tantrum to a full-blown world war, we need to know how to navigate these waters.

These three “wisdom points” are all taken from Dean Sherman’s book, Relationships: The Key To Love, Sex, and Everything Else.*  It is awesome!  It offers very solid wisdom on how to approach these huge areas of life.  And it does much more than just give rules or guidelines but cuts to the heart of the issue.

If we don't get relationships right, we have very little left upon which to build our lives. -Love,… Click To Tweet

Here’s 3 takeaways from this book that I’ve personally benefitted from in my life:

1. Attraction is a gift that must be stewarded.

I’ve talked with many young people who have come to the conclusion that the gift of attraction must actually be a curse.  I’ve felt the same in the past as well.

But attraction is a gift from God.  Everyone’s attraction gift is unique.  We are not all attracted to the same person.  Attraction is how we form friendships and how we choose whom we will date and eventually marry.

Attraction has both a romantic and a non-romantic part.  We are attracted to the people who become our friends as well.  We find a commonplace in interests, humor, and conversation.

It’s also normal and good to be attracted to people physically.  That is how God made us.  And we don’t have to let the gift of attraction control us.  We can control it.  We do not have to fall in love with everyone person to whom we are attracted.  That is preposterous!

Love, Sex, & Relationships: Proceed with Wisdom

I am a married woman.  I find my husband attractive, but I also find other men attractive.  Is that wrong? No. Of course not.  Even when I read the Bible, God tells me David was handsome.  Just because I find another person attractive does not mean I’m sinning.  It’s only when I want to use them for my own selfish desires.

We need to understand more about this gift of attraction in our modern-age.

2. A sexual act is not meant to be just a physical thing.

If we are believers in Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us.  That means that our spirits and our bodies are connected.  We cannot separate the two.  When we have sex, body, soul, and spirit merge together.

Marriage is meant to represent the relationship between Jesus and us, the Church.  Sex is the most intimate act that we can partake in with another human.  It’s important that we understand this.  Many people do not.  I don’t believe that we are accountable for what we do not know, but I do believe that there will be effect in our lives from our actions, both good and bad effects.  Jesus is able to cleanse and heal all of our past mistakes, but the best way is to avoid the pain all together.

My hope is that people, and particularly young people who are at a time in life when sexual desire is the strongest, will come to understand this truth in more profound and widespread ways.

God’s good gift of sex is meant to be channeled into a purposeful and loving act in a committed relationship.  He gives us guidelines and boundaries so that no one will get hurt.

The best sex should belong to those that walk closely with God because He is the One who created it.  It’s meant to be the most intimate relationship between two people to represent Jesus and His bride.

3. We should be going into a relationship to serve, not out of a sense of need.

When I discovered this truth, my mind was blown!  I didn’t even realize that I had always gone into relationships looking to meet my own needs! But that way ends in frustration.

Once I was whole in Jesus and understood that I am meant to approach relationships asking, “How can I serve?” I found that my needs were met as well.

Mainstream culture will fashion us to believe that it is all about us.  That the perfect relationship will meet all of our needs and desires for intimacy and safety and whatever else we want.  There’s no possible way that two broken people can do this for each other.  God would never allow it.  He is the only one that can love us endlessly and 100% self-sacrificially.

The end of the book includes a study guide, and it is well worth it! The topics covered are so needed in our individual lives and in our society.

For more resources in wisdom-living, join me on Pinterest!

*This post includes affiliate links. See our full disclosure here.

20 Comments

  • Alethea Awuku July 13, 2016 at 7:57 am

    Hey! Visiting from the Wednesday link up!
    I enjoyed this post thank you for the wisdom shared.
    I am recently married and Totallly agree that two broken people cannot fulfill one another outside of Christ who is the ultimate fulfillment!! It isn’t about us, it’s about God.xx

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 13, 2016 at 11:24 am

      Yes! No matter how hard we try, we just can’t fill each other up! Thanks for reading. 🙂

      Reply
  • Lisa notes July 13, 2016 at 10:37 am

    This sounds like an encouraging book for people of all ages in relationships, not only for me who has been married for 23 years, but also for my daughter who is about to be married in October! Thanks for sharing about it, Brooke.

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 13, 2016 at 11:23 am

      Yes, it is really helpful! Thanks for visiting, Lisa!

      Reply
  • Mari-Anna July 13, 2016 at 10:51 am

    Wise words here. Thanks for sharing. Blessings to you!

    Reply
  • Karen July 13, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    I like the first point that you made about attraction. Never thought about it that way, but you are exactly right. It’s a gift to be properly stewarded! Good stuff to pass onto my kids too!

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 13, 2016 at 6:17 pm

      Thanks, Karen! It’s wisdom I gained from the book though -I can’t claim it! 🙂

      Reply
  • Kendall Patton July 14, 2016 at 10:00 am

    These are each 3 great things to keep in mind and to bring to our relationships. IN fact, when Hun and I met and we knew we loved each other and wanted to create a family together, I wouldn’t even let him kiss me on the lips as I thought it a most sacred act! I truly wanted to preserve our deepest levels of intimacy, outside of conversation, to hold the high standard that it is. 🙂

    Reply
  • Michelle July 14, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    This sounds like an excellent book to recommend to a young adult or truly anyone who is raising children in this day and age. I’m finding even among believers in our culture today that sometimes the world’s rules and standards are coming in a bit to close to God’s and confusion is among the young minds. Thanks for sharing on Book Wino. Will be pinning for sure.

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 14, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      Thanks, Michelle. Yes, I truly believe God wants people to know real Life. In His Word, He’s mapped out for us the best way to be truly fulfilled and at peace! Thanks for sharing it!

      Reply
  • Kylie July 14, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    Such a good post! I’m super single but am trying to be intentional about preparing my heart for marriage if that’s God’s plan for me. One area he is growing me lately is in my friendships and laying down my life for my friends which reminded me of your third point. It goes against everything society tells us but I think it’s super important.

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 14, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      Yes, it totally does! And servanthood and surrender are so closely tied into real joy! Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  • Marie July 15, 2016 at 10:41 am

    Hopping here from the Grace and Truth link-up. I’m definitely motivated to read the book. Thanks for sharing. Marie

    Reply
  • Debbie W. July 16, 2016 at 1:03 am

    Sounds like a great book . Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  • Melinda VanRy July 16, 2016 at 9:33 am

    This sounds like a great book! While scrolling to the bottom of this week’s Grace & Truth links on Arabah Joy, I “accidentally” clicked on yours. Glad I did… or that God nudged my finger. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    My oldest is 14, and for years, my heart has broken for our youth, their lack of understanding of their value and others’, and the life-long consequences they don’t know they’re creating when they take sex out of its God-ordained context. I look forward to checking out the book!

    Reply
    • Brooke Grangard July 17, 2016 at 8:44 am

      Oh, I’m so glad you “accidentally” found me! When we worked with Youth With A Mission, this was the main book on relationships that we recommend to the young people coming in to do our courses. It’s really helpful! Praying you find the resources you need for your son! Bless you!

      Reply
  • Tina at Mommynificent July 21, 2016 at 8:33 am

    I love these three points you’ve shared! So true and so important to all of us. Thanks for sharing this at Booknificent Thursday on Mommynificent.com!
    Tina

    Reply
  • Debb Evely December 3, 2016 at 8:03 pm

    You are blessed. A wonderful gift, to reach so many with your guidance, inspiration. Thank you so much, Debb.

    Reply

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